Where can youth find help after sexual abuse?
We have been getting a lot of questions lately from people wondering about what is considered sexual abuse, so we thought it would be important to start a conversation about it because we figured that many others probably have that same question.
What is sexual abuse?
First, it’s important to know that sexual abuse can include both touching and non-touching behaviors that cross a person’s boundaries and happen without their permission or consent. Sexual abuse can occur between an adult and a minor (someone under the age of 18), two minors, or even two adults.
Here is some additional information about consent:
Child Sexual Abuse
All sexual touching, looking or showing between an adult and a child or teen who is under the age of consent is sexual abuse. This includes an adult touching a child’s genitals, making a child touch someone else’s genitals, playing sexual games, and/or putting objects or body parts inside the vulva or vagina, in the mouth, or in the anus of a child for sexual pleasure.
Non-touching abuse includes showing pornography to a child, exposing a person’s genitals, like their penis, vagina, breasts or butt, to a child, prostituting/trafficking a child, taking pictures or videos of a child in sexual poses, encouraging a child to watch or hear sexual acts either in person or on a video, and/or watching a child undress or use the bathroom for sexual pleasure.
Minor-to-minor sexual abuse
Sexual abuse can also happen between people who are both minors – either younger kids or teens. In general, a relationship or sexual activity can be abusive when one kid is significantly older, physically larger, or there are other developmental, physical, or cognitive differences between the two minors, such as one youth being more advanced intellectually or having some type of disability.
Also - and this is really critical - any sexual activity that happens between kids and teens who are close in age that happens without consent or that happens because of threats and manipulation is abuse. This means that if a youth bullies someone, pressures someone, guilt trips someone into being sexual- this is abusive. This can include being forced to watch someone else engaging in sexual behaviors, even if these are images and not in real life.
CSAM
“Child pornography,” now referred to as “child sexual abuse material” (CSAM), is another form of sexual abuse. This includes any images or videos of a minor engaging in any type of sexual behavior at all - whether they are by themselves or with others. Creating, distributing, or watching CSAM is a crime.
No one under the age of 18 can give their legal consent to be in this material. This is true even if both people sharing the images are minors. Check out our Blog: Is CSAM legal, healthy, or okay to watch? to learn more.
Sex Trafficking
Sex trafficking is another form of sexual abuse, and it may also be referred to as “commercial sexual exploitation.” Sex trafficking is when a youth or adult is forced to participate in sexual acts in exchange for things like food, shelter or drugs.
Online Extortion
When an adult or older teen communicates online with a child or younger teen in a way that is unsafe or inappropriate this can be considered sexually abusive. This is sometimes referred to as online “grooming” or “enticement” - and includes engaging in sexual conversations or role-plays, or requests to meet in person with the intention of crossing a sexual boundary.
When someone is specifically asking for sexually explicit images from a child or teen, considered CSAM, this might be referred to as “sextortion”. They might ask for these kinds of pictures, and then trade or sell them to others, or use the images as a way to further harass or manipulate the child or teen.
This type of online extortion can happen across many platforms online including social media, gaming, and messaging apps. It’s important to note that this can also happen between two people who are both minors, and it is still considered sexually abusive.
These resources can provide more information about CSAM, trafficking, and extortion:
If you’ve been sexually abused, we’re here to help. Take a look at this blog helping to answer the question “Did I experience sexual harm?” and contact our Helpline to get support and resources.
How do I find help if I’ve been sexually abused?
First: we are so sorry that you were abused. We hope you know this isn’t your fault, and you deserve to get all the help and support you want in your healing process.
There are several ways that you can get the support you deserve after experiencing sexual harm or abuse. Although disclosing your own sexual abuse to a loved one can feel scary and overwhelming, and may not be possible for everyone - it can be a way to locate supportive resources. Reaching out to someone who is safe and that you can trust is key. This might be a parent, a close friend, a partner, a teacher or boss, or any other trusted adult in your life.
If you are under 18, take a look at the above FAQ Where do I go to get help if I am under 18? to learn more about how to approach these conversations with the adults in your life. Here are some additional ways to ask for help as someone who has experienced abuse:
I went through something that felt traumatic/scary/overwhelming, and I want to speak with a counselor before I share all that’s happened with you.”
“There’s a lot that’s been on my mind, and I’m asking for help. I want to talk to a therapist who can help me process my emotions, and someone who can also help me talk with you about what happened once I’m ready. I just am not at a place where I can share any details with you yet.”
“This may be hard for you to hear, but I was sexually abused. I wasn’t ready to bring this up before, but now I feel ready, and I want to talk to a counselor. Can you help find one for me?”
If you are 18 and over, you may choose to seek out professional help on your own. Finding someone who has training and experience in working with young adults who have experienced sexual harm or abuse would be most helpful.
Additionally, those who have experienced sexual abuse often find it helpful to talk with others who have also been through something similar, and so another option is to locate a support group. This can be a way to seek support as you work up to talking with a professional and can help to build a sense of community.