I’m worried my friend is being trafficked. How do I help them?
Recently we heard from someone who found themselves worried about a friend’s safety. They had noticed some changes in their friend, like suddenly dating someone that their friends have never met, having more expensive things like nice clothes and a new phone, and being absent from school more and not wanting to talk about why.
They didn’t know what to do or say to their friend, but they had learned about sex trafficking in school and they had a gut feeling about was what was going on with them. They wrote in to us asking what they should do to help their friend, and we were able to talk them through what their next steps look like. Here’s some of what we told them…
What is sex trafficking?
Sex trafficking is another form of sexual abuse, and it may also be referred to as ‘commercial sexual exploitation’. Trafficking includes forcing or coercing a youth or adult to participate in sexual acts in exchange for things like food, shelter, drugs, or other things of value. This could also include medical care or even status quo. They may also be threatened with violence if they don’t do what they are told or try to stop. Other aspects of their well being may also be threatened, including threats of deportation or repayment of debt for those within the immigrant community, or threatening to out someone who identifies as LGBTQ+.
How does sex trafficking happen
Although it can and does happen, someone doesn’t have to be kidnapped or taken to be trafficked. Sex trafficking can happen online, like on common social media sites, like Snapchat or Instagram, and even on gaming platforms like Discord.
Someone might start talking with a minor with the intent to get nude photos or videos, or to meet in-person to commit sexual offenses. This is called online enticement. Online enticement can lead to the minor sharing nudes or explicit content with the person. This is called sexting, and sexting can lead to sextortion, a form of child exploitation where children are threatened or blackmailed, most often with the possibility of sharing a nude or sexual image of them with the public by a person who demands additional sexual content or sexual activity from the minor.
This means that a youth may be experiencing trafficking all while seemingly carrying on a normal life: living at home, going to school, playing sports, participating in activities, or hanging out with friends.
It can be difficult for people experiencing child sex trafficking to acknowledge that they are experiencing victimization. For many young people, it might seem like this is “normal” or that it happens all the time so it must be okay. They may believe that what's happening to them is their fault or that this is solicitation, which is also unacceptable. However, they might not realize that this constitutes child exploitation and it is a crime.
This may be influenced by the culture of explicit photo sharing online with sites like Onlyfans, or even on dating apps. It can feel like “If it’s okay for other people to share their explicit photos for money, likes, or other gifts, then it’s okay if I do” - but it’s important to remember that once you share something explicit, like a nude picture of yourself, you lose control of how that image is used.
People who traffick or exploit others may target youth who are living in unstable or abusive homes, those struggling with mental health or substance use, those who feel socially isolated from their peers, youth with developmental differences, or young people from marginalized communities, like young people of color or those who identify within the LGBTQ+ community. People who target youth will manipulate, exploit, or take advantage of feelings of loneliness, isolation, and lack of support to their benefit. But this isn’t always the case. It’s possible for any youth to be coerced or manipulated into this kind of abusive situation online.
And it’s not always an adult who targets youth, it could also be another youth doing this. Which can sometimes make it more confusing because it can seem even more normalized for someone else your own age to be asking for things like nude pictures or explicit content.
Warning signs
There are some warning signs that can indicate that a young person may be experiencing sex trafficking:
Having a new friend or boyfriend/girlfriend that their friends have not met, who is likely controlling or secretive. Sometimes this person might be older, but it could also be someone around their own age
Missing out on activities with friends, being absent from school, or seeming more withdrawn from their life and things they typically enjoy
Having new or expensive things, and not being able to explain how they got them - like clothes, phones, shoes, jewelry, etc…
Seeming more protective of their devices, like getting anxious that someone will see what someone is sending them, or getting scared if they miss a call or a message
Appearing more withdrawn, quiet, sad, scared, and not wanting to talk about what’s going on for them or what they’re feeling
Having “secret” social media profiles or profiles with fake names or aliases
Seeing one or two of these warning signs doesn’t necessarily mean that someone is being trafficked. These warning signs can also come up when someone is dealing with other issues. But, it is important to check on your friend, show your support, and reach out to a trusted adult for help.
Getting help after identifying sex trafficking
Think about the adults in your life that care about you or your friend, and would want to see you (or your friend) stay safe. This could be a parent, friend’s parent, teacher, coach, faith leader, or another adult family member. Although it might feel scary to tell them what’s going on, they would want to know that this is happening so that they can take steps to make sure it doesn’t continue and that you or your friend are safe, happy, and healthy.
If it doesn’t feel possible to tell an adult in your life, you could also reach out to the National Human Trafficking Hotline. This hotline may be helpful in figuring out what other steps to take, and to plan for safety. You can call the hotline at 1.888.373.7888, by text at 233733, or visit the site to live chat.
You can also reach out to our helpline to talk more with a counselor about what is going on, and to find support.
Checking in with your friend
It can be scary to think that someone you know, like a friend, is being exploited or manipulated and that their safety could be at risk. Your friend is lucky to have you looking out for them.
It sounds like you’ve noticed some changes in your friend’s behavior that feel like warning signs that they may be experiencing trafficking. Seeing a couple of changes happening for your friend doesn’t necessarily mean that they are being trafficked. These kinds of warning signs can also come up when someone is dealing with other heavy or complex issues. But, it’s important to trust your gut when it’s telling you something is off. And if you are seeing many warning signs in your friend it’s okay to let them know you’re worried about them.
You can let your friend know that you care about them, that you’re worried about them, and that there IS help if they need it. You might say something like:
“I’ve noticed some changes lately that have me worried about your safety. If anyone is asking you to do things that feel scary or uncomfortable, you can talk to me about it and together we can find a safe adult to help. I care about you, and want you to feel safe.”
There’s a chance that they may not be in a safe position to share what they are going through, and they may deny that they are experiencing trafficking. They may also not be able to identify that what is happening is sex trafficking and say that they are doing this because they want to. Don’t give up hope - there are other things you can do if you still feel like your friend is at-risk.
Getting Adults Involved
I want you to know that you don’t have to figure this out alone. So think about someone like a parent, friend’s parent, teacher, extended family, or even a teacher or coach. Really, any adult you can share this with who you know will take you seriously. Once you explain what your friend has shared or what warning signs you have seen, they can take action to help your friend.
You can also encourage your friend to talk to an adult in their life that they trust. If they’re still going to school, you could encourage them to talk to a teacher, the guidance counselor, or even a coach or teacher’s aide they trust. Maybe you would feel comfortable offering to be there for them however they need—-like walking with them to the teacher’s office, or standing with them as they share.
Maybe they still don’t feel right talking to someone face to face. Let them know they could call the National Human Trafficking Hotline. This hotline may be helpful for them in figuring out what other steps to take, and to plan for safety. They can call the hotline at 1.888.373.7888, by text at 233733, or visit the site to live chat.
Checking In With Yourself
Make sure you notice how all of this is affecting you. Even helping someone get out of a bad situation can take a toll. Having support as you and your adult ally take next steps is really important. I hope that there is someone you can turn to right now when you need to share your feelings, fears, and to plan for next steps. You might even consider asking your parents to help you find a therapist through your insurance, doctor, or a local mental health agency. This is big, and you don’t need to hold it all alone. Even getting short-term support from a therapist can make a difference.
