Why do people have sexual thoughts about younger children? Are they bad?
There is no single answer to this question. A small number of people who are sexually attracted to children meet the criteria for the mental health diagnosis, pedophilia - meaning someone who is regularly sexual attracted to children. Depending on your age, sexual attractions are fluid and changing, however, the majority of people who have had sexual feelings or thoughts about children do not fit this description of pedophilia and other factors contribute to their feelings.
Why would someone have sexual thoughts about a younger kid?
Sexual feelings can be influenced by
Not receiving accurate information about puberty and sexuality development, intimacy and relationships, consent, and boundaries
Cognitive, emotional and/or social skill disabilities
Confusing and overwhelming messages in both media and personal communications about sex, sexuality, and relationships.
Drug and/or alcohol influence
Situational conditions, such as ongoing exposure to a highly sexualized environment or images - like those found in child sexual abuse material (CSAM)
What’s most important to know is that most people do not want to have these thoughts or feelings, AND thoughts and feelings are not the same as behaviors.
If someone you know is feeling this way, you can let them know there is a place for them to talk about what’s going on - share our website and helpline with them!
There is no one reason why a person may have sexual thoughts about younger children. Although there is still debate about how they develop, our sexual attractions are thought to be primarily biological in nature and not something we choose, and it is not always possible to change them, however people do report that things they’ve experienced in their life have influenced their sexual attractions.
Experiences that can influence people to have sexual thoughts about children.
One’s own experience with abuse - physical, sexual, emotional, or neglect
Exposure to highly sexualized material or behaviors, particularly at young ages
Mental health issues
Lack of information about healthy sexual development
Having sexual thoughts and/or feelings about children doesn't make someone a monster or a bad person - and a single, one-time thought about a younger child sexually doesn’t mean that a person is sexually attracted to children. However, it is wrong and illegal to act on these feelings, and people who are attracted to children do have a special responsibility to make sure that they are always staying safe and non-abusive towards children, and that includes seeking professional help as needed.
If you have questions, text us at 1.888.532.0550 to start a confidential conversation. It is important and helpful to talk about your feelings, get the support you need, and learn how to control your behaviors when these feelings come up. Understanding and support is available - you are not alone!
Our Blog: Am I at risk to harm a child because of my thoughts? below might help to answer any additional questions you might have about your own thoughts and feelings in the meantime.
Are people who think sexually about children bad people?
No! Thinking sexually about children does not make someone a bad person. Thoughts and feelings are not actions. They are not actual behaviors. However, it is wrong and illegal to act on these thoughts. And if you do, you need to be accountable, and get help to manage these thoughts.
We all think and feel things that we may not want anyone else to know, that maybe feel shameful or wrong to us. Our thoughts and feelings can seem weird or scary. We may even think about things that we actually don’t like or seem wrong to us. Most often, this is normal. This is how we process and understand our world. We can’t always control our thoughts or feelings. Sometimes they seem to come from nowhere or don’t represent our values, beliefs, or even our experiences.
However, when these thoughts and feelings start to influence our behaviors, then it is time to seek professional support and help. (That said, we don’t believe that people who do bad things are bad people. They just need help to be accountable and to be safe. People are way more than “good” or “bad.” It is just so much more complicated than that.)
See Blog: “Am I a monster?”
It can be scary and even feel isolating to worry about your own sexual thoughts and behaviors towards and with younger children but anyone who has these thoughts does not have to figure it out alone. Help, support, and understanding are available! Having these feelings doesn’t mean that you are at risk to hurt a child, but it is important to understand more about yourself so that you can live a safe, happy, and fulfilling life.