Am I at risk to harm a child because of my sexual thoughts?

It takes a lot of courage and concern for others to ask this question - thank you for having the bravery to ask. And you should know that there are people who have these thoughts regularly, but are committed to never causing harm...and never do.

So the answer is - not necessarily. Having a thought, maybe even a fantasy, is not illegal. Not everyone who has sexual thoughts about children will harm a child. But if you are struggling or having uncomfortable sexual thoughts or fantasies about younger children now is the time to reach out for help.

People do not act on everything they think - sometimes people don’t even agree with or like everything that comes into their thoughts. And sometimes our thoughts are just a way to process information and events. For example, some people have thought about someone that treated them disrespectfully getting hurt. They are not bad for thinking that and they aren’t planning to act on it and hurt anyone. They are just thoughts that allow for venting, processing, and understanding.

We all have the capacity to make good decisions. So, if you are concerned that your thoughts will determine your behavior, please know that you can be safe and not act on your thoughts. Reaching out for help on how to manage sexual thoughts and arousal is a great step in that direction.

It can also be helpful and informative to you to notice how often and how intense the fantasies are. Many people who have sexually harmed a child say that they started out by having sexual fantasies about children. They said if only they could have “fast-forwarded” their lives and seen the impact that they would have on themselves and others that they would not have acted on their fantasies, and would have reached out for help and support.

On the other hand, there are people who recognize their fantasies do indicate their own sexual attraction to children and who are committed to never acting on these thoughts or feelings. They understand that sex with children is not OK, and that they can and do have a happy, fulfilled, “normal” life, with friends, a career, hobbies, interests and more!

If you are attracted to people younger than you, you’re not alone and support is available. And you matter. Good, kind people can struggle with really uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. You’re not alone and we can help.

Check out our blog, “Wondering about sexual thoughts involving younger children” for more information, and reach out to our free, confidential Helpline at 844.WHATSOK with any questions about your own thoughts, feelings and interests.