What do I do if my friend has watched sexual images of children?
Finding out that someone you know is watching sexual images of children, and identifying possible ways to respond is the first step to take. If you are in this position now, this is an opportunity to help your friend, but know that you’re not alone. We can help.
Of course, this is not an easy position to be in, and it might feel confusing to try and figure out what your next steps should be. The steps below are recommendations, and maybe not all of them are the right ones for you - but the most important thing is that you do something. Besides caring for and helping your friend, it is also possible that you could help protect a child.
Learn about Child Sexual Abuse Material
Learning more about what is harmful and likely illegal can help you prepare to take next steps. In fact, child sexual abuse material (CSAM), was once called child pornography, but that name didn’t adequately describe the illegal and abusive content. Viewing this type of material is illegal. In fact, these images are actually recordings of child sexual abuse as it is happening.
Even if your friend is watching images of youth that are the same age as they are, these images are of children and youth in harmful and abusive situations. To learn more about this, take a look at our Blog: My friend has been watching videos of other kids having sex - what could happen to him?
Talk to your friend
Talking to someone when we are concerned about their behaviors can feel challenging and really - only you can tell if this is a step you feel safe in taking. If you do feel that you want to talk to your friend about their behavior and you feel safe, there are some communication tips to help this conversation be effective.
You can start by letting your friend know that you are concerned about what they are doing; that you’re worried 1) they are doing something illegal and 2) it is harmful to children. You can let them know that you care about them, and do not want to see them get into legal trouble. Avoid using any language that may sound accusatory, labeling or judging (like monster, predator, pervert, etc.). But it is ok to say that you do not think it is ok to watch these images, and that you are uncomfortable with this.
You might want to share some information about what the sexual images really are - that the children in these videos or pictures are being sexually abused, and that the children in these images cannot consent to be in any sexually explicit content. Let your friend know that these children are often coerced and manipulated and the children involved are being revictimized every time their images are viewed or shared. This may help them better understand that this isn’t victimless. Their own viewing behavior does have a role in child sexual abuse.
While you cannot make this person stop what they are doing, you can let them know you care about them and about the safety of others. And, you can ask them to think about what they are doing, and to consider talking confidentially to a counselor about this. You can even ask them to contact our helpline, to get more information about what kind of help is available (like Safety Planning and Therapy), and to learn more about why this behavior needs to stop.
Get an adult involved
If your friend is under 18, talking to an adult is important as well. Your friend is committing a crime, and they may also be experiencing some other difficulties in their life, so getting an adult involved to help your friend is critical. This can be your parents, your friend’s parents, or another trusted adult like a teacher, coach, or school counselor.
An adult can also help your friend get access to counseling. They don’t need to share all details—just telling an adult they trust that they’ve been concerned about some things they’ve seen online or that they want to make sure they are behaving in a safe way when online, and that they would like some objective and professional help is a good first step.
Consider making a report
Since this viewing behavior is illegal, you might wonder if this needs to be reported to authorities. Yes, it should. This is never an easy decision. But, if a law is being broken and a child is being hurt, the next step is to contact either the local police, child protective services, or make a report to CyberTipline. If you know the URL or website names where they are viewing this content, you can report the links, even if you're not ready to report your friend.
This isn’t something that you have to navigate on your own, our helpline is here to support you in taking next steps to get your friend the help they need.