I think I’m watching too much porn. What should I do?
The WhatsOK helpline gets lots of questions from young people who watch porn and are worried about watching too much, changes in their behavior, or the guilt they feel based on what they’re watching. In this blog, we talk about these concerns and steps folks can take.
The internet makes watching porn, hentai, lolicon, shotacon and other sexually explicit content really easy. While it’s normal to be interested in sex (and that includes watching people have sex), some people can start to feel like they are spending too much time watching porn. Some people may even feel that their online viewing behaviors are more and more out of control. Some people have also felt that the more they watch porn, the more often they find themselves looking for sexual content that is more extreme; maybe images or videos that feel more shocking or are taboo or even illegal.
Take a look at our blog, “I'm wondering how I will know when my porn use has become a problem.” to learn more.
Is it OK to look at porn?
Glad you’re asking - good question! Legally, it depends on your age and the laws of your state or country. In the United States, people over age 18 can look at porn legally. People under age 18 in the US cannot legally view any type of sexually explicit content, including porn that would be legal for an adult to watch, although it’s unlikely that they would face legal consequences.
It’s normal to be curious about sexual behavior and relationships, and it matters how you get that information. So first, seek out other resources for sex education.
Beyond what’s legal, it’s important to understand how watching porn fits into your image of the type of person you want to be and the values you hope to represent. Like with anything, pay attention to what you’re viewing, understand it and to think about how you feel about it. It’s helpful to ask yourself questions such as:
What is entertaining about it?
Why am I watching it?
What is it telling me?
Who is the intended audience?
What do I think about what I’m watching?
At the end of the day, porn doesn’t provide accurate information about sex or being in a sexual relationship. It often shows only a few types of sexual relationships and behaviors, and can make everything look easy and magical. But there’s no real context. Real relationships have flirting, dating, communication and feelings – and porn doesn’t show those realistically. Often, what we find online can be disturbing, and these images are hard to forget or understand without becoming an educated consumer first.
You can contact the WhatsOK helpline if you have questions about anything you have seen or have concerns about your viewing behaviors.
And here is some more content that might be helpful if you have other questions about your porn use:
Porn and Legal Issues
For young people under the age of 18 in the United States watching pornography is technically illegal, although it is typically unlikely that a kid would be arrested for that. It’s normal to want to look at images or videos of people having sex, but there are risks. One very important thing to know is that porn doesn’t show realistic or safe sexual situations, so it really isn’t a good way to learn about sex and relationships.
That said, it is illegal for any adult to show porn to a minor, directly or indirectly. That adult could face legal consequences.
For anyone age 18 and older, watching pornography is legal, but can have an impact on relationships in real life. And watching porn excessively can make it easier to violate personal boundaries in real life. That’s because porn normalizes (and sometimes even glamorizes) violence, choking, rape, and other sexually harmful and non-consensual behaviors such as forced kissing.
No matter what your age is, whether you are an adult or a kid yourself, it is illegal to look at, share, or download sexually explicit content that has minors under 18 in it. This is called child sexual abuse material (CSAM), once called child porn. Our Blog Is child sexual abuse material (CSAM) legal, healthy, or okay to watch? answers some important questions about this content.
What to do if you may be watching too much porn
The first step is to pay attention to how you feel about your viewing of porn or other sexual content. By asking this question, you’ve taken the first step toward being accountable and making changes in your behavior. Below are a few strategies to try when you want to manage your own behaviors.
If you’re worried about your online behavior, you can:
Disconnect the wi-fi, install web blockers, or shut off your devices. Creating barriers between yourself and online content can be a really helpful way to manage concerning behaviors. Try leaving your devices in another room or with a friend, or other ways to give yourself some extra time to make a healthy decision.
Look for patterns in your use and apply what you know about what feels triggering to you. Notice what feelings come up when you want to look at porn, and make a plan for what you might do instead. Do you find that this is something you normally watch at night before bed? Or do you notice that certain images or words create the urge to look up explicit content? The more you know about yourself and your triggers, the better able you are to manage and avoid them.
Find distractions. Go for a walk around the block. Change your environment. Practice a mindfulness exercise. Play a game, play an instrument, do something that you find enjoyable and that feels good. Moving physically away from an environment that is triggering or tempting can be done more successfully when you have something else to move into - something else to do.
Call a safe and trusted friend, relative, or partner. Think about people you can reach out to in the moment for support. If you are able to share with them what’s going on for you, that’s great! If you don’t want to get specific, just ask if they can be available to you when you need a distraction. This kind of personal support can make all the difference.
Find professional support. Having a counselor to talk with and to help support you can really help you be more successful in changing behaviors. They can help you re-establish control over your viewing habits and work with you on developing other coping tools. This is often a powerful step for many people who are struggling with their online behaviors, and the strategies above can help you work up to seeking out professional support.
You don’t have to manage this on your own, and you deserve support. Our helpline counselors are also here to talk you through next steps.
