How can I help my friend behave safely with their sexual behaviors?

You’re a good friend and this is a great question! Feeling worried that a friend's sexual behaviors are not safe can certainly bring up a lot of other feelings, including feeling confused about how to help. But there is help if someone you know is talking about or behaving in ways that are unsafe or concerning. 

First, it is important that you know that no one can make someone get help but there are always ways to let people in our lives know that we care about them and want to help them stay and be safe.

If your friend has shared that they are having thoughts about behaviors that could be unsafe, harmful or even illegal, it is possible that they are feeling really alone with what they are feeling and thinking about. Struggling with concerning or potentially harmful thoughts, feelings, and behaviors can feel very isolating and overwhelming. Many people want help but don’t know how to ask or worry that others will judge them or shame them.

First, it is good news that your friend shared their feelings or concerns with you. Or even if you just overheard this, you can offer them a chance to get the help they need; maybe you can let them know there are resources out there so they know that help is available. Having an ally who is non-judgmental, supportive, and safe can be incredibly important. By talking about what you’ve noticed, you may allow your friend to open up or take steps to get the support they need to make safe choices for themselves and others.

Talk about it

It can be helpful to find someone else to share your concerns with - a parent or other adult if you are a youth, or perhaps a mutual friend or trusted confidant if you are a young adult. You want to find someone who can support you, and who also cares about your friend and can join you in a practical conversation about what steps you might want to take. Our helpline is available to talk with you as well.

It may be possible to talk directly to your friend as well, letting them know that you care about them and that you are worried about some things they’ve said, watched, or the way they have behaved. These don’t have to be accusatory conversations - you don’t want to call them names or try to scare them, but rather you can let them know that you are concerned because you care about them and you would like to help them find help.  If you think your friend could react in an angry way, this would not be a safe next step to take at this time.

Our Blog: How can I tell my friend I am worried about their sexual behaviors? also gives some more information about how to have a conversation with a friend and other steps you can take.

Most importantly, feeling alone and isolated can increase the chance of someone doing something that is harmful and that they could regret later. Helping someone understand that they are not alone is a huge first step. Share WhatsOK.org and our helpline - we can support them to take the next steps to getting the kind of support and perhaps professional help they want.