Why would someone sexually harm another person?
There are many reasons why someone might sexually harm another person. It is never OK, and someone who has been sexually abused is never to blame for the abuse and never deserves to be abused.
Reasons why someone might sexually harm another person:
Impulsive or abusive behavior
Some harmful actions are impulsive; and some behaviors are well thought out. Consent - what it means and what it looks like - may be confusing for some.
Difficulty interpreting social cues
Sometimes people struggle with social cues - those signals that tell us when we are crossing the line, such as body language and facial features. They may hear the word “yes”, but do not see that the person is looking away, is nervously playing with their hair or other similar signs. And some people have never been shown or taught what safe behaviors look like. But to be clear…it is never OK or excusable for someone to sexually harm another person.
Lack of bodies, boundaries, and consent education
Both kids and young adults can behave sexually in ways that can be harmful without understanding that they are being inappropriate or that they are hurting another person. Some people who sexually abuse another person may not know what healthy and safe sexual behaviors should look like. They might not have had access to healthy sexuality education and support, and perhaps they’ve had to rely on information that is not accurate. Some people have never been shown or taught what safe behaviors look like.
Exposure to harmful sexual acts, thoughts, or materials
Sometimes, someone might rationalize their behaviors, such as saying, “they deserve it”, “this doesn’t really hurt them”, or “it happened to me and I survived.” These rationalizations are also based on inaccurate information, and again….it is never OK or excusable for someone to sexually harm another person.
Also exposure to confusing sexual situations, including mature material, like pornography and seeing lots of messages about sex that are harmful, unhealthy, unrealistic and/or aggressive in the media or at home, can influence harmful sexual behaviors.
Additionally, the impact of one’s own personal experiences of abuse may be a factor, but to be very clear: people who have experienced abuse are not automatically going to abuse someone else.
Mental health challenges
A person’s own mental health may also be an influence, including struggles with impulse control, aggression, or depression. When someone is struggling with feeling safe themself, and perhaps dealing with overwhelming feelings, this too can play a part when someone’s sexual behaviors are harmful.
Some of the other reasons children, teenagers and young adults might engage in sexually harmful behaviors include:
Relying on misinformation from others
Being naturally curious and not having proper resources to satisfy curiosity safely
Not having safe behaviors modeled by adults around them
Our blog “My boyfriend told me he molested someone when he was younger, but I don't understand how he could do that” may help to give some additional insight.
Regardless, again - there is never an acceptable reason why one person sexually hurts another person. However, understanding the different possible reasons can help us know how to reach out to help and support someone we care about to make safe decisions and get help. Share whatsok.org when you are concerned about the way a friend or someone you care about is acting.