What makes us experience sexual arousal?
What makes us experience sexual arousal?
Sexual arousal can be described as the responses we have in our brains and bodies when we feel “turned on” by something or someone. Sexual arousal is thought to be based on hardwiring in our brains that scientists are still trying to understand. There is often no rhyme or reason to arousal, meaning that we can’t always understand the things we feel aroused by or when we feel aroused by things. And it’s certainly not always something that we have control over either.
What we do know is that our brains release chemicals when they feel stimulated by something, and that triggers responses in the rest of our bodies. This could include sexual thoughts that come up, a tingling sensation in your body, or bodily reactions like an erection or vaginal lubrication. There is a rush of hormones when we feel sexual arousal, and that can influence the emotions that we feel when we are sexually aroused. Experiencing sexual arousal is completely normal and healthy.
Differences in what arouses people
What sexually arouses one person, may not be arousing for someone else. Everyone is different and unique. Some people might think that what sexually arouses someone else might seem weird or gross. But for that person, that’s just what their brain is telling them it feels stimulated by. For example, many people face social stigma for particular things that they find sexually arousing, sometimes referred to as a fetish. Like feet or leather. Feeling sexually aroused by these things isn’t wrong or bad, and doesn’t make that person weird. As long as they are practicing informed consent and behaving in a safe way with sexual partners and others then they are not harming anyone.
There are times when someone might feel sexually aroused by things that are not safe to act on, like violent or non-consensual behaviors, or sexual thoughts or feelings about younger children. Having these thoughts and feelings doesn’t make you a bad person, or even necessarily mean that you will act on them. But, if you are noticing that you are feeling aroused by something that feels unsafe or uncomfortable, or is bringing up difficult feelings - it’s okay to ask for help!
If you are noticing sexual thoughts or feelings that have you feeling concerned, this blog “How can I deal with sexual feelings that I think could be harmful?” has some more information that might be helpful for you.
Why we’re sometimes aroused by things we don’t like
There are times when people may be aroused by things that they don’t want or like, and that can be even more confusing. For example, we often talk about how people sometimes feel physical pleasure when they’re being sexually abused, or how sometimes our bodies become aroused even when we’re disgusted by what we’re experiencing. Our body’s reaction to a sexual stimulus means that it was sexually relevant, but just because our body is experiencing arousal, this information alone doesn’t necessarily tell us how a person feels about something and whether they would call this as a positive or negative experience.
This can be pretty confusing, but in a nutshell, sometimes our bodies become aroused because something sexual is happening with or around them - and not necessarily because they want, like or enjoy what they’re seeing, hearing or experiencing. If you have questions about something sexual that you experienced, or the feelings you had afterwards, you can reach out to our helpline.
