What is an Upstander versus a Bystander? What are some examples?
You are likely familiar with the term “bystander.” This term is most often used in the context of bullying, as well as sexual and physical violence. And we can also be bystanders in situations where someone is displaying racism, homophobia or transphobia, alcohol or drug abuse, and others. We can be bystanders to situations we see happening in person, online, or even in the media.
What does the term bystander mean?
Being a bystander typically refers to someone who is witnessing something that is risky, unsafe, or harmful. People in a bystander role are encouraged to speak up, intervene, or act in situations where someone could be emotionally, verbally, physically, or sexually harmed. Sometimes someone in a bystander role may not feel safe or comfortable intervening in the moment. It’s important to always make sure that you are taking your own safety into account in situations like this and not putting yourself in harm's way.
But the term “Bystander” does not always assume that a person is taking any actions, some people can be in a bystander role but don't necessarily do or say anything about it - this is called being a “passive bystander”. In some situations this can be due to safety concerns, but it also might be because we don’t feel prepared, comfortable, or responsible for speaking up. There can certainly be barriers for someone in feeling ready or able to act as a bystander. Fortunately there are ways that we can still advocate on behalf of the safety of others, while also acknowledging our own limitations in being able to directly intervene.
What is the difference between a bystander and an upstander?
Many people are moving towards using the term upstander rather than bystander - because language has an impact, and even if we don’t consciously recognize it, language can influence the way that we think about, behave, or react to situations. Being an upstander is characterized by speaking up and taking action steps in a situation where someone is at risk or experiencing abuse or discrimination; being active instead of passive.
Being more active can understandably feel scary. Sometimes being an upstander may feel like standing out, going against the majority. It’s human nature to want to fit in and not go against the status quo. We often look to people around us to see how they are reacting to a situation to decide if or how we should react. Sometimes when we see that other people aren’t reacting to a situation, it can make us feel like maybe it’s not that important, or that other people would think we are weird or overstepping by speaking up. It does take courage to speak up or take action when we see something happening that is wrong, unsafe, or risky. We can all start with small steps.
What are examples of acting as an upstander?
We can all learn how to safely speak up. You can prepare yourself in advance, helping you to respond to concerning situations with resources, communication skills and building up your community. Upstanders prepare themselves to respond thoughtfully and carefully instead of reacting angrily and accusingly to difficult, uncomfortable, or violent situations through activities such as self-education or by taking a bystander intervention training. Here are a few ideas of how you can get involved as an upstander in your community.
Interacting safely online, calling out harmful content or behavior in a respectful way, spreading positive and inclusive messages, and reporting harmful, abusive or illegal content
Educating yourself on topics like sexual harassment, bullying and harm, and educating peers about what you have learned
Participating in clubs or organizations that promote safety and advocate against harm or abuse
Organizing awareness campaigns
Leading by example by modeling and reinforcing safe behaviors
What are examples of speaking up as an upstander?
If someone is behaving in a way that is or could be harmful to another person, and it feels safe to intervene directly in the moment, you can do so. You want to avoid judgmental or labeling language (like saying “You’re a bad person for saying something like that”) but it’s absolutely okay to call out things that could impact or harm others. Here are a few different ways that you can respond.
“The way you’re behaving isn’t okay.”
“What you are doing is harming someone, you need to stop.”
For example, if someone is telling a joke that is harmful or inappropriate, you could say something like:
“That’s not something that’s okay to joke about.”
“Making a joke like that can harm others.”
You could even pull the person aside and let them know away from other people that you’re concerned about the way they are speaking/behaving and felt like it was important to let them know. For additional strategies and sample language examples, take a look at this Bystander Intervention Tips and Strategies resource by NSVRC.
Offer support and resources to the person harmed
Being an upstander doesn’t always have to involve speaking directly to a person crossing boundaries or acting in harmful ways. Being an upstander could also mean checking in or offering support to the person experiencing harm. You could check in with them privately to ask how they are doing, to let them know that you are there for them, or to see if they need any additional help to stay safe. Experiencing harm can feel incredibly isolating, and knowing that someone is willing to offer help can go a long way in empowering others towards safety and healing.
Ask for support from trusted peers or adults
Even when it’s not safe, comfortable, or accessible to intervene directly in the moment. There are other ways that we can advocate for the safety of others. If you are a youth and feel as though you don’t have the means to speak up to someone directly about their behaviors, you can get support from peers or seek out a safe adult to speak up or take action on your behalf.
Report the person who is harming
If someone is actively abusing another person, either emotionally, physically, or sexually, another option is to report what is happening. If you are a youth, a safe adult can help you take this step. And if you are an adult yourself, you can take steps on your own to report what is happening to the appropriate people.
Being an upstander isn’t one single action. It’s an ongoing commitment to creating safer spaces and speaking up in a way that makes sense for you to advocate for safety, respect, and kindness for everyone. Our helpline consultants are there to support you in navigating situations as an upstander. Reach out to us for free, confidential support today.
