Safety planning for young people concerned about their online sexual content use
We hear from many youth and young adults who are worried about the choices they’re making online. Some people reach out because they’re concerned about the amount of pornography they’re watching, others are viewing illegal content (like child sexual abuse material), and yet others may not feel good about their digital choices for another reason — like because they’re sexting with underage youth.
What are safety planning ideas for youth concerned about their engagement with online sexual content?
If this sounds like something you’re currently struggling with, there are ways to start making small changes with your online behavior — what we call Safety Planning — and change your habits long-term. Here are some tips you can consider.
Recognize your routines of online sexual content use
Times of day (e.g. late at night, on the weekend, etc.)
Feelings (loneliness, sadness, etc.)
Events (after a hard day at work, school, etc.)
Journal to learn more about any thoughts or feelings that come before the behaviors and choices you want to change, or any other patterns that typically come up for you
Change your environment
Can you:
Turn in your tech devices to a friend, parent or loved one?
Shut the wifi off at a certain time?
Put a block on your browser, or put parental controls on your phone, computer or tablet?
Only use your tech (laptops, tablets, mobile phones, etc.) in a common area?
Do your homework at a friend’s house, at a study group or in the library instead of at home?
Sometimes just physically changing where you are right now can help take your mind off of things
Lean on your supports
Reach out to friends and loved ones
Find a therapist
Share your concerns with your parents or other trusted adults
Use your coping skills
Go for a walk, do a mindfulness activity, meditate or exercise - do something that engages your body or mind to bring you back to the present
Stay engaged
Schedule your hobbies, time to hang with friends or extracurricular activities when you’re most likely to feel triggered or want to engage in the behaviors you’re looking to change right now
Set small goals
Instead of saying (for example) “I’ll never watch X again” which may be the end goal but hard to achieve, try “I won’t watch X tonight” instead, which is easier to do
If you slip up, learn what went wrong and what you can do next time - and adapt your safety plan
Remember: it takes time to create or change habits
Adapt your safety plan to you
Try out some or all of the things on this list!
Keep what works, and leave what doesn’t!
What other ideas do you have that may help you shift your behavior?
Here’s some more detailed information about safety planning for youth concerned about online sexual content engagement
Recognizing patterns
Consider when you most frequently go online and make these choices. Is it after a hard day at work or school, when you’re feeling lonely, bored or sad at night, or when you have free time on the weekend? Can you notice any patterns in your emotions, or the times of day you go to make these choices? This can help you plan ahead and start to interrupt your behaviors sooner over time. If you aren’t aware of any patterns, start journaling to learn more about your internal world and see if you can start to connect the dots for yourself.
Changing your environment
What environmental choices can you make that can change the way you’re interacting online? Here are some ideas. Can you:
Turn in your tech devices to a friend, parent/guardian or loved one?
Shut the wifi off at a certain time?
Put a block on your browser, or put parental controls on your phone or tablet?
Only use your tech (laptops, tablets, mobile phones, etc.) in a common area?
Do your homework at a friend’s house, a study group or in the library instead of at home?
Lean on your supports
Who can you lean on when you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed, or when you feel like you may make an unsafe choice? Even if you don’t want to tell someone all that you’re struggling with, maybe there still is a person you feel comfortable talking to when you’re not feeling great.
If you still live with your parents or a caregiver, can you talk with them? Are there other trusted adults in your life that you could talk with? Maybe another relative, someone at your school or workplace, or your medical provider?
If you feel like you don’t have this type of support or wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing even that much with a person in your life already, consider whether therapy is a good next step for you. This can be especially true if you’ve tried changing your habits on your own and you haven’t been able to find things that work, or if you have a lot of other stressors in your life already. In fact, therapy can be helpful for so many things, not just sexual behaviors or online choices.
Use your coping skills
What tools do you have that help you feel grounded, safe, loved or calm? This can be a short walk, a meditation, exercise or sports, a mindfulness activity, or something else — every person is a little different. Having a few varied things that work for you can be important, as there may be times that something more relaxing may not be what you need and instead you may want to get out your energy to take your mind off of things.
Stay engaged
What hobbies, people and activities make you feel more connected? Can you schedule your creative outlets, extracurriculars or time to hang with friends when you feel like you are more likely to turn to those online activities that concern you? Is there a new club you wanted to check out, or a particular movie, show or song that helps you feel good? Think about both exploring new interests and enjoying the familiar ones that you enjoy.
Set small goals
Make sure to set small reasonable goals like “I won’t watch this content tonight” or “I won’t go on [certain website, social media, or contact X person, etc.] for 24 hours.” This can be easier than saying “I won’t ever watch this again for the rest of my life.” Then, when you do meet your goal, celebrate your success and see what worked for you. Put that into your plan!
If you do slip up, don’t get stuck in a shame spiral. Reflect on what happened and what could have been done differently — or even what doesn’t work for you. Then, get back on track. Habits take time to change, and you’ve already taken some important steps by learning more!
Make your safety plan work for you
Not every one of these tips and ideas will work for you. You know yourself and your situation best. Consider if there is anything that currently has helped you before — even if that’s making a choice for just one day. Maybe that can be your first tool in your safety plan. Commit to trying out one or new things. Keep what sticks and leave what doesn’t!
Making a decision to take more responsibility for how you interact on your digital devices, what types of activities you engage in and the relationships you have on these devices is important and courageous. Changing our behaviors can be a bit sticky sometimes, but it is totally possible — especially when you don’t have to do it alone. We’re here to support you!