FAQs: Finding Help
No matter what, you are not alone. Here’s how to find support.
Every single person deserves respect, compassion, support and help when they feel challenged, worried or don’t know what is ok - whether it is their own behaviors and feelings they are questioning, or someone else's. If you are a young adult or a youth, help is available! No one has to go it alone.
There are some different ways to find help. Often, the best help will come from a specialized professional who has experience working with individuals with concerns about their sexual behaviors or with people who have been sexually abused (or both).But the first step is to reach out to someone - and we can help support you. needs.
If you don’t know how to ask for help, are worried about your parents’, friends’ or anyone else’s reactions, or have asked for help and were told “no” for one reason or another: don’t give up. There are people who understand, who care about you and who want to help. You can ask for help.
Our free, confidential Helpline is here to help you navigate uncertainty, access information and connect with resources and support. Text 1.888.532.0550 to get started.
It’s OK to ask questions. Here are the most common ones we hear:
Where can I get help for my sexual thoughts about children (as an adult)?
If I talk to a counselor, will they report me for my thoughts?
Have more questions? Text, chat or call our helpline
Where do I go to get help if I am under 18?
If you are underage, still living with your parents or guardians and are dependent upon them for things like medical insurance, it can understandably be scary to think about approaching a parent to tell them that you are struggling with concerning thoughts or behaviors or that you are being sexually abused yourself. For some this does not feel like a safe or accessible option. Our helpline can help you think through other options.
If you want to ask your parents or guardians to see a counselor but don’t want to tell them why, you can explain that you would like to talk to a therapist because there are some personal things you have been thinking about that you would like help with privately, some things that are making you (anxious, depressed, confused, etc. - whatever feels right). Some possible ways to ask for help:
“I’ve been having a difficult time lately with my mental health, and I think it would be helpful to have someone to talk to.”
“I’ve had some thoughts come up that I’d like to talk about with a counselor. It’s not something that I am ready to talk about with anyone else yet.”
Another idea could be to involve a different family member or close friend so that they can help you talk with your parents to explain what you need.
Also, take the time to think about some of the professional adults in your life who care about you, such as a school counselor, a faith leader, a doctor, coach, teacher, a school nurse or a parent’s friend. Is there a parent of a friend that you trust? Who else already has made it clear that your wellbeing is something they value, and who is a person who wants to see you succeed? It may be easier to think about who can help you find support, instead of who can help you figure it all out at once.
If there are no adults available to help, there may be other services that you can access on your own. Check out some additional resources here.
Where can I get help for my sexual thoughts about children (as an adult)?
The good news is that there is help available. Help comes in many forms and the best place to start is by working with a professional, a therapist who specializes in working with people with concerns about their sexual behaviors and feelings. A counselor experienced in sexual behaviors and feelings can help you address your questions and concerns. One of the kindest things you can do for yourself is to get support so that you don’t feel alone or isolated. A counselor can help you do that, and also support you to identify and take next steps to address any safety risks and to have a happy life overall. You deserve that!
There are many ways to find a qualified counselor and often the best way is to start with your insurance carrier, if you have insurance. If you cannot find a counselor, there are still online resources. And also look at this List of Resources for People Concerned About Their Own Thoughts and Behaviors. You can look for a counselor here if you have insurance, or see if any of the other support resources might be available to you.
No matter what, it is important to have someone to talk to. For more information about how to ask for help, reach out to our helpline.
And take a look at our sister site's tip sheet on How to Ask for Help When You Are Troubled By Your Own Thoughts About Children.
How do I find help if I have been sexually abused?
First: we are so sorry that you were abused. We hope you know this isn’t your fault, and you deserve to get all the help and support you want in your healing process.
There are several ways that you can get the support you deserve after experiencing sexual harm or abuse. Although disclosing your own sexual abuse to a loved one can feel scary and overwhelming, and may not be possible for everyone - it can be a way to locate supportive resources. Reaching out to someone who is safe and that you can trust is key. This might be a parent, a close friend, a partner, a teacher or boss, or any other trusted adult in your life.
If you are under 18, take a look at the above FAQ Where do I go to get help if I am under 18? to learn more about how to approach these conversations with the adults in your life. Here are some additional ways to ask for help as someone who has experienced abuse:
I went through something that felt traumatic/scary/overwhelming, and I want to speak with a counselor before I share all that’s happened with you.”
“There’s a lot that’s been on my mind, and I’m asking for help. I want to talk to a therapist who can help me process my emotions, and someone who can also help me talk with you about what happened once I’m ready. I just am not at a place where I can share any details with you yet.”
“This may be hard for you to hear, but I was sexually abused. I wasn’t ready to bring this up before, but now I feel ready, and I want to talk to a counselor. Can you help find one for me?”
If you are 18 and over, you may choose to seek out professional help on your own. Finding someone who has training and experience in working with young adults who have experienced sexual harm or abuse would be most helpful.
Additionally, those who have experienced sexual abuse often find it helpful to talk with others who have also been through something similar, and so another option is to locate a support group. This can be a way to seek support as you work up to talking with a professional and can help to build a sense of community.
If I talk to a counselor, will they report me for my thoughts?
We understand you feel like you are taking a risk even asking this question. This is very brave of you.
No, a counselor should not make a report unless they feel strongly that you are at risk to harm someone. Typically this happens when a person shares that they have a plan to sexually abuse a child or they disclose that they have abused a child in the past.
Therapists and many other professionals are mandated reporters, which means that they are legally required to report any current abuse or neglect of anyone vulnerable, which includes all kids under age 18. They must also file a report of past abuse if the person is still a child or teenager considered a minor in their state.
If you tell your therapist that you are having sexual thoughts about younger children, they would not need to report anything, as no child is being harmed. However, not all therapists are trained to work with people who struggle with this, and they can sometimes take actions, such as making a report to the police or local child protection service based on misinformation or bias. It’s best to seek out a knowledgeable specialized professional who has experience in helping people with their uncomfortable and often unwanted sexual thoughts and feelings.
We can help you get started finding a professional to help you. Text, email, chat or call our helpline.
If I’m a teenager, will my parents find out?
Most likely, your therapist will not tell your parents about what you discuss in sessions. Therapists are committed to confidentiality, but the level of confidentiality depends on the individual therapist and how they respond to situations.
You can ask your therapist about their confidentiality policies and whether everything you talk about together will be kept confidential. You can ask questions like:
“Can you give me an example of a time when you might need to contact the authorities or tell my parents about what we talk about?”
Reach out to our Helpline with any questions about locating confidential support.
How can counseling help me?
This is a really good question, and you have a right to know how counseling works.
A therapist is an ally: someone who is on your side to help you understand your own motivations, strengths, and parts of yourself that you want to maybe change. Finding a good fit with this person is important, as ideally you’ll want to talk about areas of your life you may not have shared with anyone else. Though some people go to therapy for big issues, many other people work with counselors to talk about everyday stuff and to get support generally.
A knowledgeable professional can help you learn why you may struggle with certain behaviors, or why some things may seem exciting to you but you feel wrong for even thinking about them. A counselor can support you to feel like you better understand yourself and what you’re into.
And then a counselor can help you think about what changes you might want to make; what behaviors you might want to change. They won’t “make” you do anything but will support you to decide what will make you feel better about yourself and what you feel capable of doing. You are in change - it’s your life, and you are the only one who can decide what next steps you want to take in your life.
Not all counseling is about looking at possible problematic behaviors and thoughts. People also find counseling helpful if they have experienced some sort of abuse in their own life. Counselors can help people who have been abused feel safe again and to help them begin their own healing process, whatever that looks like - since it is different for everyone.
Therapy can be an environment where you can learn to build self-esteem and self-confidence, and where you can process feelings and memories that may be affecting your relationships, behaviors or thoughts. You actually don’t have to have a specific concern about your own behaviors. No matter what is going on for you right now, it’s important to remember that everyone deserves a place to privately think about what’s going on in their lives...and in their heads - without judgment.
The other FAQs on this page may provide some more helpful information about what kinds of help and support are available. The WhatsOK helpline can help you think it through, too. Text, chat, email, or call us.
How do I find the right kind of counselor for me?
Not all counselors or other mental health support professionals have specialized training and experience to work with kids and young adults, or with people who have concerns about their sexual thoughts and behaviors, including having feelings of sexual attraction for younger children. It’s important to find someone who will be able to provide a safe, non-judgmental, and confidential place to talk about the questions or concerns you have specific to sexual behaviors and interests. Our helpline counselors can talk to you about how to locate these specialized services.
Finding the Right Fit
It is important to find someone who does have experience and education that prepares them to work with young people about sexual behaviors and feelings but equally important is finding a counselor who has a helping style that meets your needs.
Searching for a therapist or counselor is also about finding a good match with the professional you are going to be working with. You may find that the first person you talk to doesn’t feel like a good fit - that’s okay! The most important thing is that you feel comfortable and supported in this therapeutic relationship and that you are able to share what you need to. You are absolutely allowed to keep looking until you find the right person.
It can be helpful to think about some questions that you would like to ask a potential counselor before you meet them. This will help to show you whether this is a safe person to disclose to, and how they may respond. Here are some examples:
“Have you ever worked with someone who is worried about who (or what) they are sexually attracted to?”
“How would you support someone who disclosed sexual thoughts about a kid?”
“How do you help people? What counseling techniques do you use?”
Everyone deserves to have professional support during times when they are struggling most.
We know it can be scary to open up to someone about something so personal. See our FAQ If I talk to a counselor, will they report me for my thoughts? to learn more about how to navigate this topic.
Contact our free, confidential helpline if you need help finding a counselor or have more questions about what counseling might be like.