If I have sexually intrusive thoughts about children, am I a pedophile or do I have OCD or POCD?
We have been hearing from a significant number of people on our helpline who are struggling with obsessive, intrusive, or unwanted sexual thoughts about children and wondering whether this means they have pedophilia. Understanding attractions can be complex, and working with a professional who specializes in mental health is the best way to explore your feelings to better understand them. But for some people these thoughts can be tied to other mental health issues like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) or Pedophilia-themed Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (POCD) and not necessarily an indication of genuine sexual attraction.
Do I have pedophilia if I have sexually intrusive thoughts about children?
People who identify a sexual attraction to children often notice their attraction at an early age. While most people’s attractions grow with them as they get older, some people notice that they stay attracted to young children or people much younger than them. Some people who identify a sexual attraction to children may fit the criteria for the mental health diagnosis Pedophilia, which is a sexual attraction to prepubesent children typically 13 and under. Not everyone who has sexual thoughts about children will fit the criteria for this diagnosis, and not every person who is diagnosed with pedophilia will sexually abuse a child. Only a licensed professional, like a therapist or psychologist/psychiatrist is able to diagnose someone as having pedophilia. If you want to learn more about the difference between unwanted sexual thoughts versus sexual attractions to children, read our blog: How do I determine if I need support for unwanted sexual thoughts or attractions involving younger children?
Do I have other mental health sexuality issues like OCD or POCD?
Sometimes, intrusive, obsessive and unwanted sexual thoughts about children can come up for other reasons. They may be related to a type of OCD known as POCD.
What is OCD?
According to the International OCD Foundation, obsessive compulsive disorder is a mental health diagnosis characterized by “unwanted, intrusive thoughts, images, or urges that trigger intensely distressing feelings.” People who struggle with OCD might engage in “compulsions” or behaviors that they feel they have to do in order to manage their obsessive thoughts or mediate the distress that these thoughts cause. It’s not uncommon for people to use the term “OCD” to describe similar obsessive or intrusive thoughts, but OCD is a clinical mental health diagnosis and only a licensed professional (like a therapist or psychiatrist) can determine whether someone meets the criteria to be diagnosed with OCD. Struggling with OCD can be extremely difficult and can interfere with all parts of a person's life, including their overall mental health and wellbeing.
There are different types of OCD that a person may struggle with. The obsessive or intrusive thoughts that someone with OCD might have can include contamination obsessions, violent obsessions, responsibility obsessions, perfectionism-related obsessions, sexual obsessions, religious/moral obsessions, identity obsessions, and many others.
What is POCD?
A subset of OCD is referred to as pedophilia-themed obsessive compulsive disorder (POCD). While POCD is not an official diagnosis, it is a form of OCD characterized by a fear of being sexually attracted to children, fear of being a pedophile, and/or obsessive and intrusive sexual thoughts about children. Having POCD does not mean that someone is sexually attracted to children, rather it indicates that someone is fearful of being sexually attracted to children or sexually abusing a child. This article from Psychology Today, What People Should Understand About "Pedophilia OCD", talks more about this. Someone who struggles with POCD often feels convinced that they are a pedophile and not that their thoughts are related to a mental health diagnosis. These fears are often intense, ongoing, and dominate their thoughts.
People who struggle with POCD often deal with a great amount of shame and guilt, and often internalize the thoughts coming up for them viewing themselves as “bad” or “vile”. They also might struggle with feeling safe disclosing their thoughts to a professional out of a fear of stigma or facing consequences for their thoughts. POCD is not something that someone chooses to struggle with, and having POCD doesn’t mean that someone is a monster or that they are a risk to children. Those struggling with their mental health deserve compassion and support to manage what is going on for them.
Often, people with OCD or POCD might engage in “checking” behaviors to test whether they feel sexually attracted to a child. For example, someone with POCD might look up sexualized pictures of children to try and determine whether they feel a sexual attraction. Others might test their attraction with a child in their life, either by intentionally trying to spend time alone with them or by initiating sexual behaviors to see whether they feel sexually stimulated. These kinds of “checking” behaviors are not productive or safe and can actually make symptoms of POCD worse and more difficult to manage. And if someone is “checking” by looking at sexual images of a child or by behaving sexually with a child, then this can put them at risk of facing consequences since these behaviors are abusive.
How do I know if I have OCD or POCD?
It can be difficult to understand what these sexually intrusive thoughts about children mean, and whether you might fit the diagnosis of OCD or POCD. Family, friends, or people online aren’t able to determine whether what you are struggling with fits the criteria for these diagnoses—only a licensed professional, like a therapist or psychiatrist, can assess whether you fit the criteria to be diagnosed with OCD/POCD.
If you are having intrusive or obsessive sexual thoughts about children and wondering what this might mean, the best step you can take is to seek out professional support from someone who can help you understand more about what these thoughts mean and how to manage them on a daily basis.
A professional who has experience with sexual thoughts and behaviors, as well as obsessive compulsive disorder would be in the best position to help you unpack and understand these thoughts and feelings. Our resource guide for Therapy and Support for People 18+ Concerned About Their Own Thoughts and Feelings can be a good place to find someone who specializes in sexual thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Our Blog: I have some questions about getting therapy as a youth or young adult; may also be helpful.
Managing obsessive or intrusive sexual thoughts
While you are preparing to find a professional to work with, there are strategies you can try to manage these thoughts, as well as the urge to “check” whether your attraction is genuine. One technique called Mindfulness can be helpful for a lot of people struggling with unmanageable or uncomfortable thoughts by helping them stay in the here and now. Using mindfulness can’t get “rid” of intrusive or obsessive thoughts, but it can shift how you relate to those thoughts by helping you to recognize them, then removing you from the loop of repeated anxiety and worry. Our blog Mindfulness for Managing Uncomfortable Thoughts can help you get started. Mindfulness is something that you can incorporate into your daily life, like through meditation or journaling. Our blog also highlights some apps that can help with mindfulness. The International OCD Foundation also has an article called How Do I Stop Thinking About This? What to Do When You’re Stuck Playing Mental Ping Pong that helps you figure out how to move away from thoughts that feel unmanageable.
Our helpline can help you figure out how to find the appropriate professional support to figure this out.
