I'm having obsessive sexual thoughts about children. How do I tell the difference between attraction and mental health sexuality issues like OCD or POCD?
We have been hearing from a significant number of people on our helpline who are struggling with obsessive, intrusive, or unwanted sexual thoughts about children and wondering whether this means they are sexually attracted to children. Understanding attractions can be complex, and we are not mental health professionals who can definitively say whether someone is sexually attracted to children. But for some people these thoughts can be tied to other mental health issues and not necessarily an indication of genuine sexual attraction.
Sexual attraction to children
People who identify a sexual attraction to children often notice their attraction at an early age. While most people’s attractions grow with them as they get older, some people notice that they stay attracted to young children or people much younger than them. Some people who identify a sexual attraction to children may fit the criteria for the mental health diagnosis Pedophilia, which is a sexual attraction to prepubesent children typically 13 and under. Not everyone who has sexual thoughts about children will fit the criteria for this diagnosis, and not every person who is diagnosed as a pedophile will sexually abuse a child. Only a licensed professional, like a therapist or psychologist/psychiatrist is able to diagnose someone as a pedophile.
Other mental health sexuality issues like OCD or POCD
Sometimes, sexual thoughts about children can come up for other reasons. A common issue for people who are describing these thoughts and intrusive or obsessive can be related to a subset of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) known as POCD, or pedophile obsessive compulsive disorder. While POCD is not an official diagnosis, it is a form of OCD characterized by a fear of being sexually attracted to children, fear of being a pedophile, and/or obsessive and intrusive sexual thoughts about children. Having POCD does not mean that someone is sexually attracted to children, rather it indicates that someone is fearful of being sexually attracted to children. This article from Psychology Today, What People Should Understand About "Pedophilia OCD", talks more about this.
Often, people with OCD or POCD might engage in “checking” behaviors to test whether they feel sexually attracted to a child. For example, someone with POCD might look up sexualized pictures of children to try and determine whether they feel a sexual attraction. Others might test their attraction with a child in their life, either by intentionally trying to spend time alone with them or by initiating sexual behaviors to see whether they feel sexually stimulated. These kinds of “checking” behaviors are not productive or safe and can actually make symptoms of POCD worse and more difficult to manage. And if someone is “checking” by looking at sexual images of a child or by behaving sexually with a child, then this can put them at risk of facing consequences since these behaviors are abusive.
Managing unwanted, obsessive, or intrusive sexual thoughts
If you are having unwanted, intrusive, or obsessive sexual thoughts about children and wondering what this might mean, the best step you can take is to seek out professional support from someone who can help you understand more about what these thoughts mean and how to manage them on a daily basis.
A professional who has experience with sexual thoughts and behaviors and obsessive compulsive disorder would be in the best position to help you unpack and understand these thoughts and feelings. Our resource guide for Therapy and Support for People 18+ Concerned About Their Own Thoughts and Feelings can be a good place to find someone who specializes in sexual thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Our Blog: I have some questions about getting therapy as a youth or young adult; may also be helpful.
While you are preparing to find a professional to work with, there are strategies you can try to manage these thoughts when they come up as well as the urge to “check” whether your attraction is genuine. One technique called Mindfulness can be helpful for a lot of people struggling with unmanageable or uncomfortable thoughts by helping them stay in the here and now. Using mindfulness can’t get “rid” of intrusive or unwanted thoughts, but it can shift how you relate to these thoughts by helping you to recognize them but not get stuck in a loop of obsessively and repeatedly feeling anxious or worried. Our blog Mindfulness for Managing Uncomfortable Thoughts can help you get started. Mindfulness is something that you can incorporate into your daily life, like through meditation or journaling. Our blog also highlights some apps that can help with mindfulness. The International OCD Foundation also has an article called How Do I Stop Thinking About This? What to Do When You’re Stuck Playing Mental Ping Pong that helps you figure out how to move away from thoughts that feel unmanageable.
Our helpline can help you figure out how to find the appropriate professional support to figure this out.